We're Off To See The Devil Princess
by cyberimp6
Summary: After "Showing Restraint" and "Personal History", it's eventually time for Tenchi to go to Jurai. But Ryoko and Mihoshi aren't invited.
1. Looming Clouds

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo!" were created by Kajishima Masaki and Hitoshi Okuda, and are Copyright AIC, Pioneer LDC, and Viz. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.

Foreword: This story is a sequel for "Showing Restraint" and "Personal History". However, since it is incompatible with OVA Season III, it now goes into Alternate Universe territory. Some altered elements of the Manga will also be included.

**We're Off to See the Devil Princess**

_Tolerance, or broad wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime._

_--Mark Twain_

A great dread hung over the Masaki house. Although the calendar said it was late summer, the air had an unseasonable chill, and the sky was a dull gray. Autumn seemed to be already there, with the inevitability of cold winter not far behind. Indoors, the mood was, if anything, grimmer still. Everyone proceeded about their tasks with no sign of cheer or enthusiasm, sensing the end of their idyllic life growing ever closer.

With a single exception.

"Good morning, little Sasami! Good morning, Lord Tenchi! Doesn't it look like excellent weather today?" Princess Ayeka walked into the kitchen almost as if she were about to get up on her toes and perform a ballet.

"Excellent? It looks like it's going to rain by noon!" Sasami said waspishly.

"But we can really use the rain, and it should stay nice and cool while you work on the carrot fields, Lord Tenchi." Ayeka replied.

"Well, I guess that's a good way to look at it." Tenchi said, but with little conviction in his voice. He turned as Washu came into the doorway. "Good morning, little Washu."

"I can't say that it is." Washu's voice was peevish. "Ryoko still won't let me open the link or participate in any tests. And I don't think she'll stay around here once you and Sasami and Ayeka leave. I can't do any more research without data -- and this paper would have been a shoo-in for the Corlani Prize. Do you know it's been five thousand years since my last one? I'm due!"

"Believe me, little Washu, I wish I weren't leaving." Tenchi tried to soothe the redhead's feelings. "But grandpa is firm about it, and he's the head of the Masaki family here on Earth."

_And he knows if Tenchi doesn't go to Jurai, he'll have to go himself._ Washu thought to herself.

"And I believe he is wise." Ayeka said. "It is time Lord Tenchi learned more of Jurai. Also, sooner or later some outsider is bound to notice that Nobuyuki is the only one in this house who is aging. Especially since Sasami is attending school here."

Tenchi had to admit Ayeka had a point. Sasami still looked only eight years old. Washu had a theory that Tsunami was delaying their full assimilation. And his own growth had slowed to a crawl, possibly because of his awakening the power of the Light Hawk Wings, or perhaps because of his link to the Master Key. There was no way of knowing, since two had happened on the same unforgettable day.

"Please, big sister, you know a lot about Juraian rules and traditions. Can't you figure out a way for us to stay on Earth for a while longer?" Sasami wheedled. "Just another semester?"

"I could easily give her a disguise field to make her look like she's growing." Washu pointed out.

"You would still wear the same size uniform, Sasami." Ayeka replied. "And it's really past time for you to return to Jurai. Your Harvesting is way overdue."

"Harvesting?" Tenchi echoed. "What's that?"

"It's the collecting of--" began Ayeka and Washu simultaneously, and then broke off. Ayeka waved her hand, deferring to Washu. "Please continue, Lady Washu."

"Thank you." Washu brought out her holo-keyboard, and was instantly dressed in her Galaxy Academy Professor's outfit. A multi-media "blackboard" appeared, floating off the ground just behind her. She gestured with a pointer, and an image of the female reproductive system lit up.

"As is evident from the fact that Juraians and humans can have children together, they have similar reproductive systems. Females are born with a limited number of eggs, and usually run out by their mid-fifties. However, Juraians can live for centuries or millennia. And, as you remember from Asahi, they can take several centuries to grow out of adolescence."

Just then, Mihoshi wandered into the room. "Oh, is there another class session? Did I forget the time? I'm sorry, just let me find a seat . . . Oh, there aren't any chairs or desks!"

Washu put a hand to her forehead, where a vein had already started to throb. "Mihoshi, this isn't a class. I'm just trying to explain Juraian practices to Tenchi--"

"But what about Ayeka? She's here too." Mihoshi pointed out.

"Ayeka already knows about the Harvesting." Washu said.

"Well then, why is she here?" Mihoshi asked.

"Because . . . '" Washu began, and then looked blank.

"Oh, are we talking about Ayeka leaving?" Ryoko teleported into the room with a mischievous grin.

"No, I believe I will stay." Ayeka responded with an unusually unruffled air.

"If there are no further interruptions," said Washu in a tone promising dire consequences to anyone who made a further interruption, "I will proceed. To allow Juraian women to wait to have children, the eggs are removed from the ovaries at an early age and put in time stasis. They can then be fertilized in the lab (a much more effective way if you ask me), or re-implanted in the ovaries for conception by the, ahem, archaic method."

"The second way sounds much more enjoyable to me," Ryoko turned to Tenchi with her best innocent smile, "don't you think so, Tenchi?"

"Umm, well . . . I wouldn't really know . . ." Tenchi tried to avoid the approaching storm.

"Then we should find out, shouldn't we?" Ryoko leaned closer to Tenchi.

"Miss Ryoko--" Ayeka began.

"As it happens, you can't, Ryoko." Washu interrupted. "You don't have eggs. The Masu aren't compatible with a structure that small." There was a soft pop of displacing air, and suddenly Washu was in her adult form. "I, on the other hand, have eggs to spare."

"Washu--" growled Ryoko.

"But getting back to Sasami, does she necessarily have to go to Jurai to have her eggs collected?" Tenchi had learned a bit about defusing potential fights.

"That is an excellent point, Tenchi." Washu transformed back into her twelve-year-old form. "My lab is fully capable of doing the procedure."

"Put Sasami in the Chamber of Horrors?? No way!" Ryoko burst out. Ayeka, Tenchi, and Sasami herself also registered dismay on their faces.

"Will you please stop calling my lab the Chamber of Horrors?" Washu said irritably. "Look at Tenchi -- he has no problem going there."

Tenchi shifted uncomfortably. "Well, you know Washu, something always seems to go wrong when you try to . . . um, you know . . . collect the last sample . . ."

"And what sample would that be?" Ryoko inquired with a dangerous edge to her voice.

Fortunately, Ayeka chose that moment to make her own point. "I'm afraid your offer would not be acceptable, Lady Washu. Sasami is the Second Princess of Jurai, and a scion of both House Masaki and House Kamiki. The Emperor and the Holy Council--"

"You mean Father and Grandmother." Sasami clarified.

"Yes." Ayeka couldn't help a small smile. "They will insist on the procedure being done on Jurai, to make sure no one obtains any Juraian royal DNA. And to store the eggs in the usual three separate locations."

"Now that sounds a little paranoid." Washu remarked.

"I cannot agree, Lady Washu." Ayeka answered with quiet confidence. "I myself have already lost one-third of my stored eggs. I had one of the time-stasis containers buried in my favorite garden." She drew attention to Ryoko by carefully not looking at her.

But the reaction was not what Ayeka had expected. "Ohboy!" Ryoko rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry about that, Ayeka."

"But it wasn't your fault, sister-Ryoko." Sasami protested.

"That's right!" Mihoshi added. "Kagato was responsible for what happened on Jurai."

Ryoko shook her head. "Not completely. Blasting the garden wasn't part of Kagato's orders. It was something I came up with myself when I was fighting Ryu-Oh."

Now Ayeka felt a wave of guilt for having brought the matter up. "But it was still under his domination," the princess pointed out. At that, the others fell silent. "And I still have plenty of eggs left: we opened the other two containers and distributed some of theirs into a new container. It's safely hidden in a different place." Now the others were staring at Ayeka in amazement. "Did I say something wrong?" she asked.

"Well, you usually don't try to make Ryoko feel better." Mihoshi said what was on everyone's mind.

"Fair is fair, after all." Ayeka was not quite ready to apologize for having baited Ryoko in the first place. "But getting back to Sasami, the entire Royal family is set on bringing you home to Jurai, little sister. And you know that what Grandmother wants, she gets."

"That's true." Sasami's voice was resigned.

"Well, I'd better get to the carrot fields before it rains." Tenchi pulled on his work gloves and headed outdoors.

"And think of all the people who are waiting for you back on Jurai!" Ayeka continued to try to cheer Sasami. "Father, and Mother, and Mother Funaho, and Grandmother and Grandfather. They all miss you very much. Also, there's your nanny, and your playmates from House Tatsuki. And I'm sure we'll eventually be able to see Washu and Mihoshi and Ryoko again."

"You're right, big sister," Sasami began to look less dejected. "But it's going to seem so long."

_And by that time you'll have snared Tenchi into marrying you_, thought Ryoko.

"Ayeka, do you have to be so cheerful about it?" Mihoshi complained aloud. "Everyone else is so sad."

At that, everyone else turned to stare at Mihoshi. "That's gotta set some kind of record for the pot calling the kettle--" Ryoko began.

"Ahem . . . Mihoshi, could I talk to you alone?" said Sasami.

"Okay." Mihoshi replied.

Sasami turned to Ayeka. "Could you watch the pot while I'm gone, big sister?" Ayeka nodded, and the little princess turned to Washu. "Could you watch Ayeka, sister-Washu?" Washu nodded in turn. Ayeka rolled her eyes.

A minute later Mihoshi and Sasami were in the room that Sasami shared with Ayeka. "I know that leaving is hard for you, sister-Mihoshi," Sasami began, "but it doesn't mean we're never going to see each other again. It really helps me feel better when big sister points out the bright side. Please don't convince her to stop."

"Oh, you're right, Sasami." Mihoshi said, but with a tremble in her voice. "It's just that I don't know how long it's going to be. The GP station for the Solar System is being shut down. Now that almost everyone is leaving, there's no need for a full-time officer to be assigned here."

"Then where are you going?" Sasami asked.

"I'm being transferred back to Headquarters. A lot of GP officers think it's a great place to be, but I really like going into space on patrol." Mihoshi sighed. "And ever since the incident, I don't do well with paperwork. You remember how mad I got when Kagato reminded me of my work record?"

"I remember you tried to blow his head off."

"Well, it was Kagato, after all."

"Ah . . ." Sasami decided not to pursue the point. "Maybe you can be assigned to the Galaxy Academy. That way you can see Washu, and maybe escort her when she visits Jurai."

"I thought of that, but my chief turned me down. Something about 'diplomatic skills' and 'crossroads of the galaxy.' "A tear began to trickle down Mihoshi's cheek. "I did so well here. I just know I'm not going to be nearly as successful from now on. Not without Tenchi. I mean, I know Ayeka and Ryoko really love him, but . . . I love him too. I really thought he was my destiny." More tears appeared. "I don't think any other man will be so sweet to me."

"Please don't cry, sister-Mihoshi!" Sasami sounded rather close to crying herself. "There has to be a way for us all to stay together. Do remember that night we saw the shooting star after the adventure rescuing the Tree Bizen from Yume?"

"And you wished . . ." Mihoshi was still sniffling a little, "we could all stay friends forever and ever?"

"I did." Sasami nodded. "So I'm going to ask Grandma Seto to let you and sister-Ryoko to come to Jurai. She can do just about anything."

"Oh, thank you, Sasami!" Mihoshi hugged the little princess.

Sasami hugged back for several moments. Then she remembered something. "By the way, whatever happened to Yume? I heard that was the only time anyone's seen Lady Tsunami really angry."

"She sure was. After all, no one ever stole and mind-controlled one of her Royal Trees before." Mihoshi answered. "Yume's on the Targanth prison asteroid."

"Isn't that the remotest prison in the galaxy?"

"Yes, and Yume asked the judge to be sent there. I think she's hoping everyone will forget, while she serves her sentence." Mihoshi shook her head. "But I'm never going to forget seeing a goddess give Yume a bare-bottom spanking in front of the entire Jurai Main Fleet."

- - - - - - - -

In the meantime, Washu was narrowing her eyes in thought. "That's funny . . ." she said aloud.

"What's funny, Lady Washu?" Ayeka looked up from the plates and cups she was getting together.

"Mihoshi usually has to be woken up for breakfast." Washu pointed out. "She's up remarkably early today, but she didn't seem like she has to go anywhere."

"True . . . and now that you mention it, Ryoko put in an early appearance as well." Said Ayeka. "Oh, Miss Ryoko, since you're here, could you give me a hand with setting the table?"

"Good luck with that." Washu grinned, and it dawned on Ayeka that Ryoko was no longer in the room.

"Gone back to her beam, I imagine." Ayeka put her head out the doorway to the living room. "Hey! She's not here either!"

Washu sat up with a start, and Ayeka knew they were both thinking the same thing. The princess instantly put her hand to her tiara. _"Tenchi purity alert! Scramble--repeat--scramble!_" she barked.

From outside came the rumble of propulsion units kicking into life, and the two Jurai Guardians lifted off. Ayeka summoned her floating miniature logs as well, and turned purposefully toward the door.

"Stay here, Ayeka." Washu held up her hand. "There's no need, this time."

"But Ryoko's getting desperate--" Ayeka hesitated.

"Trust me; it'll be taken care of." Washu said. "Besides, you promised you'd look after breakfast for Sasami."

"Well . . . I suppose so." Ayeka turned back to the stove. "Do you know, I think it would taste even better with a pinch of--"

"No you may not."

- - - - - - - -

Given his grandfather's training and the fact that he'd gotten used to life in the Masaki household, unsurprisingly Tenchi sensed Ryoko's appearance near him. But knowing there was trouble coming didn't lessen his anxiety about it. "Ahh . . . hello, Ryoko." He said warily, noticing she held one hand behind her back. "I don't suppose you've come to help me with the carrots?"

"Tenchi, I want you to come somewhere private with me." Ryoko said. "I have something important to show you."

"Does it have anything to do with what you've got behind your back?" He inquired.

"Who said I've got anything behind my back?" She replied.

"_Put the rope down."_ Came Azaka's voice.

"_And back away from Tenchi slowly._" Kamidake added.

"Damn Jurai Guardians." Ryoko growled. "Go away! This doesn't concern you!"

"Our Princess has given us specific instructions." Azaka answered.

"And Tenchi is also a member of the Royal Family, and not to be harassed." Kamidake elaborated.

"I'm not letting you spoil this!" Ryoko shouted. Energy motes began to appear, and concentrate around her.

"Please, guys, can't we just--" Tenchi began.

"We will not be deterred from our duty." Azaka and Kamidake announced together. The lenses in their upper areas began to glow.

"Wait, don't--" Tenchi pleaded.

But the next moment, a cone of light came down from above to cover Ryoko. "Hey!" yelled the ex-space-pirate, as she lost her footing, and began to move upwards.

"Myaa!" Ryo-Ohki was hovering above the field in her full spaceship form. "Mya-mya-myaa!" Tenchi had picked up enough cabbit by now to recognize something like "not around the carrots, you don't!"

"Traitor!" Ryoko screamed. "Turncoat! Quisling! This is mutiny! _Mu-ti-ny_--!!" And then she disappeared into the ship.

Tenchi mopped his brow in relief. And then he looked around. "Shouldn't Miss Ayeka be here by now?" He asked the guardians.

"I believe she considers us adequate." Kamidake answered.

"Well, thanks, guys." Tenchi returned to his hoeing. For once, battle and widespread destruction had been averted. And strangely, that left him feeling depressed. Why did it have to end just when those two had finally learned to live in peace?

Author's note: It being better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness that is OVA Season III, this story is meant to point to what I would have done if I were in charge. I intend to pick and chose among the ideas and characters: for instance, Noike and Tennyo are out, but Seto is in. Also, with all due respect to Hitoshi Okuda's manga, there is _no way _that Funaho and Tsunami would have simply let Yume go after the death and devastation on Ryuten.


	2. Pouring Cold Water

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo!" were created by Kajishima Masaki and Hitoshi Okuda, and are Copyright AIC, Pioneer LDC, and Viz. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.

**We're Off to See the Devil Princess, Ch. 2  
**

_Always acknowledge a fault __frankly__. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more._

_--Mark Twain_

Breakfast was much more subdued than usual. Mihoshi and Sasami had regained a little of their usual good cheer, but were still noticeably anxious. Washu was somewhat grumpy, commenting about obstacles in the Path of Knowledge, and looking pointedly at Tenchi, Ryoko, and even Ayeka. Ryoko had an unusually hard time meeting Tenchi's eyes, and also tried not to look at Ayeka, who was looking accusingly at her. She did, however, glare at Ryo-Ohki.

Some time later, the threatened rain arrived. Normally this would bother Ryoko, but today she had decided on a long soak in the onsen, accompanied by five or six (or seven) cups of saké. The patter of raindrops on the dome of the onsen cheered her a little. At least there was one annoyance that couldn't get to her.

But there were others that could. The door slid open, and Ayeka entered with her customary towel wrapped around her. She gave Ryoko a judgmental look, and then said, "Miss Ryoko, we need to talk."

Ryoko knew she couldn't dodge forever. "All right, Ayeka. But have a shot of saké first. You look much too tense."

"I'm tense because of what you tried to do." Ayeka replied, setting down her basin and turning away from Ryoko as she slipped off her towel for the pre-bath scrubbing.

"Well, nothing serious happened." Ryoko said. "I didn't get what I wanted, so you did, so you might as well just let it go."

"And what about the next time you try?" Ayeka spread a lather of soap over herself. "And you are going to try again."

"Heh." Ryoko gave an embarrassed grin. "I guess we know each other pretty well by now."

And then Ayeka looked thoughtful. The lessons in Juraian erotic techniques _had_ given the two a better understanding of each other. Ordinarily, there would have been insults thrown, followed by energy blasts. But, you can't demonstrate the uses of chocolate syrup on various body parts to someone else without changing your relationship, especially when figuring out how to compensate for the absence of a sense of taste with smell and touch. And it is a universal constant that shopping for outfits together tends to bond females, particularly if the outfits are exotic and dangerous to male blood pressure. Lastly but just as importantly, they had developed a common enemy in Mihoshi, who turned up at the most inconvenient times.

And so, Ayeka followed Ryoko's initial advice. She finished washing up in silence, rinsed off, and wrapped her towel back around herself. Walking over to Ryoko, she took a saké bottle and a saucer, and fortified herself with a generous swallow. "Miss Ryoko," she began in a level tone, "did you or did you not agree that you would not use the techniques on Lord Tenchi until and unless he consented?"

"Well, I wasn't going to use anything you taught me." Ryoko answered.

"What?? After I worked so hard getting you to tie the quick-release knots right--" Ayeka caught herself. "That does NOT make it acceptable." She declared.

"You don't understand!" Ryoko burst out. "Tenchi's going away -- I'm probably going to lose him forever -- and we never got nasty even once! You're going to be on Jurai -- you don't know how it feels!"

Ayeka made her voice as calm as she could. "But Miss Ryoko, I do know how it feels to lose your first love. And you know I do. You were there when I found out."

"Oh." Ryoko was brought up short. "That's true, isn't it . . ."

"What's true?" asked Mihoshi.

Ryoko would have sworn that the doors to the onsen had not opened since Ayeka had come in. _How does she DO that_? she wondered.

"It's something just between us, Miss Mihoshi." Ayeka, and moved to face the door with an unspoken suggestion.

"Oh, you don't have to leave because of me," said Mihoshi. She sat down and began her own pre-bath washing.

Ryoko gave a slow smile at the vein starting to bulge in Ayeka's forehead. Quietly, she pushed one of the wooden basins over to a gap where the water streamed out of the floating structure to the lake below. "Have some more saké, princess," she suggested.

Ayeka lowered herself into the lightly steaming water with only the smallest of ripples, and followed Ryoko's counsel.

"But if we are in the same boat, don't you wish you'd gotten at least one chance?" Ryoko asked Ayeka, having decided to ignore Mihoshi's presence.

Ayeka paused a few moments, and then answered quietly. "After thinking about it, I'm glad that nothing actually happened. Consider how long our expected life-spans are. How could just one time be enough? Don't you deserve to be with someone for many, many years?"

"You have something there, Ayeka . . ." Ryoko answered slowly. "All right, I won't try again."

"Uh, Ryoko? Ayeka?" Mihoshi piped up. "You're acting all weird again. Are you feeling alright?"

"And I could easily lose Tenchi as well." Ayeka went on. "Marriages in the Royal families are usually arranged. There are a number of princesses and daughters of other influential families on Jurai. To say nothing of the track record of Masakis falling in love with inconvenient outsiders."

"You know, a few months ago that would have helped." Ryoko said. "I'd have said anyone would be better for Tenchi than you -- but I would have been wrong. You've got guts and skills. And I'm not saying you're as attractive as me, but you're nice to look at in your own way."

"Did you just pay Ayeka a compliment??" Mihoshi's jaw dropped open. "Is the saké drugged?" She ran over and sniffed the bottle.

"Thank you, but there are any number of good-looking women on Jurai." Ayeka replied. "In fact, there aren't many who are not. We have cosmetic surgery and body enhancements as good as any in the galaxy, not to mention genetic customizing such as my current hair color."

"You mean you deliberately chose under-developed breasts?" Ryoko winked with the eye away from Mihoshi.

"_Hit the deck! Here comes the fight! _"Mihoshi yelled, dropping to the onsen floor and covering her head.

"There is a saying that anything over a handful is wasted." The saké had brought out Ayeka's sense of mischief.

"_Ayeka did NOT just say that!!" _Mihoshi pointed a trembling finger at the princess. "You're a shape-changing alien!"

"But on this planet, we're all aliens." Ryoko pointed out.

"And if I weren't the real Ayeka, how could I wear my tiara?" the princess added.

"Okay, even worse!" Mihoshi retreated a step. "You're both being mind-controlled by some evil being!"

"But our eyes haven't changed color," Ryoko said calmly, "and we don't have vacant expressions on our faces."

Mihoshi was not reassured. "Then I must be trapped in Washu's holographic chamber!" She looked around wildly. "Washu! Let me out! Pleeease!!"

"But Washu is always trying to get you out of her lab." Ryoko reminded the blonde. "She wouldn't be keeping you inside it. Say -- perhaps this is all a really weird dream."

"Yes! Yes!" Mihoshi seized on the idea. "All a dream! I knew I shouldn't have had that extra helping of fish -- wake up, Mihoshi! Wake up!" She grabbed her own head between her hands and starting shaking it.

"Try rising off." Ryoko pushed the basin she had collected rain-water in towards Mihoshi.

"Oh, thank you! See, the real Ryoko wouldn't be so helpful." Mihoshi took the basin and dumped the contents over herself. There was a silent fraction of a second while her eyes threatened to bug out of her head, and then her voice returned at full volume. "_YEEOWW!! Cold-cold-cold-cold_--!!"

"Miss Ryoko . . .you really are . . . a sadist!" Ayeka managed to get out.

"You're laughing . . . just as hard!" Ryoko returned between guffaws.

In the meantime, Mihoshi had been scampering around the deck area of the onsen. As she passed by the sliding door, it opened, and Sasami came running in, wailing almost as loudly as Mihoshi. The collision was immediate. Being taller, Mihoshi ended on top of the tangle of arms and legs.

"Sasami!" Ayeka might have entered the water quietly, but she left it like an erupting geyser. She would have splashed Ryoko thoroughly if the cyan-haired woman hadn't jumped out with equal speed. Both were at the scene of the accident in a heartbeat. Ryoko got Mihoshi off of Sasami, and Ayeka checked her younger sister for nosebleeds or broken bones. Sasami had no obvious injuries, but she was sobbing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong, Sasami?" Ayeka asked. "Where does it hurt?"

"I'm all right, big sister." Sasami sounded very much not all right. "It's just . . . It's Grandma! . . . she said no!"

"She said no? About what?" Ayeka and Ryoko said at the same time.

"I asked her . . . to let sister-Ryoko and . . . sister-Mihoshi to come to Jurai." Sasami got out between sobs.

"You did? That was so nice!" said Ryoko.

"You did? That was so impulsive!" said Ayeka.

"But why, big sister?" Sasami demanded. "Grandma could do it if she really wanted to -- and they're going to miss us and Tenchi so much!"

_Well, two out of three_, thought Ryoko. And then a moment later she realized she would miss Ayeka as well._ I must really be getting soft._

"Grandmother is what they call a 'horse trader' here on Earth, Sasami." Ayeka answered her sister. "She doesn't do favors for nothing. If she did, she'd be swamped with people asking for things."

"But I don't have any favors to trade!" Sasami wailed.

"Maybe it's for the best." Ayeka tried to calm Sasami. "There are many people on Jurai who still remember when Ryoko attacked. Even though it wasn't her fault, some of them won't let it go so easily."

"You had a little difficulty yourself," remarked Ryoko, but Ayeka decided to let it pass.

"But what about sister-Mihoshi?" Sasami asked.

"Well, I do have to return to GP headquarters." said Mihoshi. "By the way, Ryoko, could you put me down now?"

"Oh. Right." Ryoko had been so intent on the possibility of going to Jurai that she had forgotten the next step after lifting Mihoshi off of Sasami.

- - - - - - - -

The rain stopped in the early afternoon, but it looked much more like a pause than a change in the weather. The heavy, foreboding cloud cover remained. Still, it was clear enough for Tenchi's training session with his grandfather. He headed towards the clearing at the appointed time, but was surprised to find Ryoko floating alongside him as he went up the path.

"Hello, Ryoko." He looked around anxiously to see if Ayeka was about to show up as well. He couldn't help feeling that the peace between those two was too good to be true.

"Ayeka won't be coming." Ryoko said. "I promised her I wouldn't try anything, as long as we could talk alone."

"She agreed to that?" Tenchi remembered a time when Ayeka and Ryoko couldn't agree on anything.

"She wanted the time to work on rebuilding her ship."

"Oh." Tenchi's anxiety went down, but didn't wholly disappear. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Tenchi," she looked at him earnestly, "are you sorry you let me out of the cave?"

"No, definitely not." Tenchi answered immediately. "Okay," he added after a slight pause, "there was a time when I was scared of you and what you might do."

"I guess I really shouldn't have blown up your school." Ryoko admitted sheepishly.

"Yeah, that would have helped a lot." Tenchi grinned in spite of himself. "And I wasn't used to all the excitement when Ayeka and then Mihoshi and then Washu showed up. But now . . . I've grown really fond of all of you."

Ryoko couldn't bring herself to ask him if he was fondest of one in particular. The wrong answer would be devastating -- and the odds were against her. Instead she asked, "Then you don't really want to go to Jurai?"

"I'm kind of nervous about it--" Tenchi began.

"You don't have to, you know." Ryoko's words came tumbling out faster than she wanted. "You could come with me and Ryo-Ohki. It's a big galaxy out there, and the Juraian Empire is only a part of it. We could travel to many different worlds--"

"That's not going to work, Ryoko." Tenchi interrupted in turn. "I've accepted that I'm part Juraian, as well as part human. But I'm still Japanese. I can't turn my back on my family and my responsibilities. And how could we just leave Sasami, and Ayeka, and Mihoshi, and even Washu?"

_Personally, I could leave Washu, no sweat_, thought Ryoko. But aloud she said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And I need to find out more about the Juraian part of me. And where my power comes from." Tenchi sighed. "I just wish I could take all of you with me."

"A commendable feeling, Tenchi," came his grandfather's voice.

"Geeze--can't you get any privacy around here?" Ryoko said, not bothering to look for Yosho.

Tenchi, on the other hand, spun around to see Yosho standing next to a tree. "Grandpa? How long have you been there?"

"You are supposed to be aware of that." Yosho chided.

"Next time I'll fly you to the session," Ryoko suggested. "No fear of eavesdroppers that way, and I think you'll find it more fun." She winked.

"It would be better to hone his senses, and not distract him from the proper frame of mind for training." Yosho looked directly at Ryoko.

"I think everyone deserves options." And now Ryoko met his gaze squarely. "Well, I've got things to do and places to be. Please think about what I said, Tenchi."

Ryoko turned in mid-air and began an unhurried flight back to the house, and a training session of her own with Ayeka. Her face grew sad, for she knew that in spite of what she had said, Tenchi wouldn't change his mind about going to Jurai. _I just can't lose him_, she thought. _There has to be a way. _

Behind her, Tenchi and Yosho reached the clearing set up for Tenchi's sword training. "Grandpa?" Tenchi said hesitantly.

"Evidently, you are not yet in the proper frame of mind to train." Yosho reproved.

"It's Ryoko. Do you think she'll be all right on her own?" Tenchi asked. "I mean, Kagato controlled her for so long. And she's never lived independently without being a pirate or something."

Yosho momentarily put aside his annoyance at the delay in the training session. "You have been thinking a good deal about this, I see. Well, Ryoko is a woman of courage and resource. It's quite possible she could thrive on her own. But I am inclined to think you are right. It's too soon, and she went through too much." _And leaving you is going to be a harder blow than you realize,_ he added silently, for he saw no good reason to inflate Tenchi's ego. "Mihoshi, also, has done well since she came to stay with us. There is something here worth preserving. "

"But how, Grandpa?" Tenchi persisted.

"Tenchi." Yosho looked at him sternly. "Your job right now is to become stronger with the sword. Bringing Ryoko and Mihoshi to Jurai is a battle for the strengths of others."

- - - - - - - -

"Achoo!" Ayeka sneezed.

- - - - - - - -

"Achoo!" Mihoshi sneezed.

( To Be Continued . . . )


	3. Ayeka Unsettled

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo!" were created by Kajishima Masaki and Hitoshi Okuda, and are Copyright AIC, Pioneer LDC, and Viz. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.

**We're Off to See the Devil Princess, Ch. 3**

_A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep._

_-- W. H. Auden_

Ryoko wrapped her arms around Ayeka. "Ready to visit the Passion Pit once more, princess?" she whispered huskily in Ayeka's ear.

"Miss Ryoko, I wish you wouldn't call--" Ayeka started to say.

But without waiting, Ryoko focused and phased them both through the double-welded door into their private unit. She had to concentrate a little harder in sub-space, but it was worth it to avoid certain pesky intruders.

"You know, I'm going to miss this place too," Ryoko sighed. "All right, I'll check for Washu's bugs, you check for Mihoshi."

Ayeka busied herself looking under the bed, behind all the furniture, and in the storage cabinets. From one of the cabinets she lifted out a karaoke machine. (They had found it wise to always have a back-up plan.)

In the meantime, Ryoko flew to every corner of the room, checking for sensors of any kind. She activated her energy-sword and sliced the unit disguised to look like the top of the bedpost. (In another part of the lab, Washu hugged herself when Ryoko failed to spot the cloaked hover-bot behind the ventilator grille.) "Clear." Ryoko announced.

"Clear." Ayeka confirmed. "Now, let's start with--"

"_Waaaahh_!" cried Mihoshi as she slid through the ventilator grille, tearing it loose and ending up in a heap on the fortunately thick carpeting.

"Geeze--!" Ryoko yelled. She teleported over to where the blonde lay.

"Owie . . ." Mihoshi whined.

"Are you hurt, Miss Mihoshi?" Ayeka forced her voice to be polite.

"She's okay," Ryoko spoke before Mihoshi could answer. "It looks like the fragments of a spy-bot broke her fall." (In her control room, Washu stared at a suddenly dead display screen and then put her head down on her console with a sob.)

Mihoshi rubbed her backside where she had landed on an uncomfortably-shaped piece of spy-bot, and began to get up. "I'm sorry, I thought I was going into the attic crawl-space to get my old files -- say, when did you bring a karaoke machine into the Nap Room?"

"It's not 'the Nap Room'--" Ayeka began.

"Oh, we're working on a little surprise for Sasami." Ryoko cut in, walking over to the machine. "We found a classic Earth song that we think she'll really like. Could you listen to it and see if we're getting it right?"

"For Sasami? That's really sweet of you." Mihoshi enthused. "Go ahead."

Ryoko handed a microphone to Ayeka, and then switched the machine on.

"Lullaby and good night

In the sky stars are bright

'Round your head

Flowers gay . . ."

Three minutes later, Ryoko and Ayeka settled a gently snoring Mihoshi into an armchair. "That takes care of that," said Ryoko.

"You know," Ayeka looked thoughtful, "she's been showing up even more than usual lately. It's almost as if she senses something important . . ."

"Like that 'final exam' you've been mentioning?" Said Ryoko.

"Perhaps." Ayeka pondered. "And yet she's never shown up when Lady Washu and I are working on Ryu-Oh."

"Just as well. By the way, how did you get Washu to give you so much help?" Ryoko inquired.

"Oh, I happened to ask her how I could synthesize vanadium-cobalt armor plate one day." Ayeka said innocently. "She asked me how much I would need, so I showed her Ryu-Oh's original blueprints that I had Mother Funaho bring. And then Washu said the beam cannons were crude, and the power couplings would never do . . ."

Ryoko looked askance. "You know, Ayeka, underneath that Miss Pure-Heart exterior, you'd have made a pretty good space pirate."

"Thank you . . . I think." Ayeka said. "Now let's see how good a team-mate you'd have been for the Varsity squad."

A little while later, if Washu's cameras had still been operating, they would have shown an unremarkable scene. Ayeka and Ryoko were sitting on floor-mats, with their eyes closed, apparently talking quietly to each other. The only slightly odd thing was that they were both sitting on their hands.

But if the microphones had been working, they would have picked up a running commentary sufficient to give both Tenchi and his father major nosebleeds.

"Oooh . . . Ayeka . . . I can't believe how this feels . . ."

"Your heartbeat is going strong . . . your breathing is deep . . . now let's focus on how your skin responds . . ."

"Yeeess . . . no wonder you've been able to keep your hands off of Tenchi . . . "

"Don't lose your concentration . . . mmm . . . our concentration . . ." Ayeka amended. "Visualize energy flowing all over . . . covering every part . . ."

"So close . . ."

But the next voice was Mihoshi's. "Oooh! . . . oooh! . . . _Tenchiiii_--!!"

Mihoshi's eyes came open, to notice that both Ryoko and Ayeka were staring at her with decidedly unhappy expressions. "I'm sorry, did I say something in my sleep? I was having a nice dream . . . a really nice dream."

"I'll just bet you were!" Ryoko snarled.

"My, your face is red, Ryoko." Mihoshi observed. "And yours is red, too, Ayeka. Is it hot in here?"

"Not as hot as I'm going to--" Ryoko began, but just at that moment the alarm on Mihoshi's wrist sensor went off.

"Is it time to go on patrol already? Too bad, I was kind of hoping to go back to that dream . . ." She brought out her control cube, twisted it, and was instantly dressed in her GP uniform.

"One moment please, Miss Mihoshi." Ayeka spoke up. "I've been having trouble with scented candles in this room. How do you change them so you don't get too used to one aroma?"

"You should start with green scents, move to floral scents, and save earthy scents like sandalwood for last." Mihoshi rattled off her answer. "Huh . . . I wonder where I read that? Oh, well, off to patrol!" She twisted her cube and disappeared.

"Oh, no!" Ayeka turned white. "I've revealed the techniques to a non-Juraian! Grandmother will kill me!"

"That blonde bubblehead's been eavesdropping on us all this time!" Ryoko started forward. "I'm going to pound her until she's tenderized like a flank steak!"

"Wait! You can't let her know where she learned those things from!" Ayeka desperately held Ryoko back. "Grandmother will make me clean every drain in the palace!"

Ryoko stopped moving, but scarcely seemed to notice otherwise. "I'm going to blast her into the mesosphere!" she thundered.

"She'll exile me to Sheol IV!" Ayeka moaned.

"I'm going to phase her into a glacier and leave her there until it melts!" Ryoko raged.

"She'll make me eat my own cooking for a month!" Ayeka wailed.

"_Ewww_!!" Ryoko's attention had finally been diverted. "Come on -- she can't be _that_ savage. Not to you."

"Right . . . right." Ayeka in turn got hold of herself. "Deep breaths . . . I'm her grand-daughter . . . not her favorite, but still a grand-daughter . . ."

"How do you know you're not her favorite?" Ryoko asked.

"You do realize the competition is Sasami?"

"Good point." Ryoko blinked for a moment. "So we just have to let her get away with it?"

"We must. Remember, you wanted to keep this secret also." Ayeka reminded her. By mutual agreement, neither Ryoko nor Ayeka had told anyone else about the lessons in erotic techniques. Washu knew, but had kept her mouth shut as part of the agreement with Princess Seto.

"Dammit, Ayeka, I busted my butt learning this stuff." Ryoko complained. "And she just soaks it up while she's in Lullaby Land." She paused for a moment. "And are you sure you're supposed to start with a grass scent instead of a citrus scent?"

"No, you're thinking of Lemongrass again." Ayeka replied.

Ryoko smacked herself on the forehead. "I _hate_ her!"

- - - - - - - -

The rest of the afternoon was fairly quiet, on the outside at least. Tenchi noticed Ryoko firing energy blasts at random into the lake, and Sasami was puzzled by Ayeka's immersing herself in the cold rinse water in the onsen. But there were no arguments or attempted kidnappings of Tenchi. Beneath the surface, however, each member of the household was in emotional turmoil. As dinnertime approached, they came to their respective decisions.

_I vowed not to abandon any of my friends,_ Tenchi thought as he headed from the shrine towards the house. _I know what I need to do_.

_Serious situations require serious measures_, Washu thought as she left the lab. _I know what I need to do_.

_I won't lose Tenchi, no matter the cost_, Ryoko thought as she and Ryo-Ohki nudged Mihoshi's shuttle away from the house and toward the lake. _I know what I need to do_.

_I can't let sister-Ryoko, and sister-Mihoshi, and little Ryo-Ohki be left all alone_, Sasami thought as she drained the rice. _I know what I need to do_.

_I just want to be with Tenchi, and Sasami, and everyone_, Mihoshi thought as she changed out of her wet uniform. _I know what I need to do_.

_Be strong, Ayeka_, the princess thought to herself as she headed towards the dining room. That ridiculous idea that had popped into her head was best forgotten. Tenchi and Sasami and the others might be unhappy for a short time -- how long could it last? -- but this was Tenchi's destiny, and hers. She stepped into the room with a quiet but decisive air.

And came to a screeching halt. Facing her were Tenchi, and Sasami, and Ryoko, and Washu, and Mihoshi. On each of their faces was an impassioned plea, and each of their eyes seemed to have grown to twice normal size, to bore into the very depths of Ayeka's soul.

And it was then that Ayeka Masaki Jurai produced the biggest sweat-drop of her life.

( To Be Continued . . . )


	4. The Better Angel

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo!" were created by Kajishima Masaki and Hitoshi Okuda, and are Copyright AIC, Pioneer LDC, and Viz. Excerpt from "You Made Me So Very Happy" by Blood, Sweat & Tears is used under Fair Use provision. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.

**We're Off to See the Devil Princess, Ch. 4**

_. . . is complicated by an appalling temper. The lifelong struggle of a benevolent temperament and high conscience against impulses of inhuman ridicule and fierce impatience has set up a chronic strain . . . He is a most implacable, determined, tenacious, intolerant person who by mere force of character presents himself as -- and indeed actually is -- considerate, gentle, explanatory, even mild and apologetic . . ._

_--"Major Barbara", George Bernard Shaw _

After dinner, Ayeka wandered for some time, searching for a place to do some soul-searching. She had promised to "think about" bringing everyone to Jurai, but she hadn't mentioned she already had an idea, one that she would have preferred not to reveal.

Underneath Funaho's branches might protect her if the rain returned, but there was something about contemplating dishonesty under a first-generation Royal Tree that unsettled her a great deal. The entrance to the 'demon cave' also offered shelter, but it reminded her too much of Ryoko. Finally she came to the shed at the side of the trail to Tenchi's training area. This, she felt, was where it had all begun for her. She had first come here wet, cold, in pain from an injured ankle, stranded on a primitive planet, and desolate from the loss of her first love. She had left with her ankle and her heart beginning to heal, and hope born anew. Could she risk losing that hope?

If there had been an observer with the power to visualize Ayeka's dilemma in images, that observer might have seen a chibi-devil version of Ayeka, sporting horns and carrying a pitchfork, perched on the princess' shoulder. "No! You can't take the risk!" it said loudly. "Not when victory is in sight!"

"But shouldn't Lord Tenchi have the opportunity to choose for himself?" Now a chibi-angel-Ayeka with wings and a halo appeared on Ayeka's other shoulder.

"What's to choose? Even you have to admit we are the one he should marry." Chibi-devil-Ayeka said.

"That is true." Chibi-angel-Ayeka conceded. "And that is why we should have faith in Tenchi's judgment. We will be on Jurai, our home planet. That is all the advantage we need. And wouldn't it do Miss Ryoko and Miss Mihoshi good to be on a more civilized world?"

"You're assuming that either of them can learn something." Chibi-devil-Ayeka sneered.

"They can, and you know it! We have seen it happen." Chibi-angel-Ayeka said firmly.

"Maybe they've picked up a few things," Chibi-devil-Ayeka admitted grudgingly. "But Mihoshi's always going to be a ditz, and Ryoko's always going to be coarse. And you know we're going to be blamed if--make that when-- they cause disasters there!"

"Not entirely -- bringing them to Jurai was Sasami's idea at first."

"Some angel you are! Looking for someone else to blame!"

"I am simply pointing out the facts of the matter." Chibi-angel-Ayeka was on the defensive for a moment. "Anyway, if you want to talk about blame, what if Ryoko goes back to being a space pirate? And what if Mihoshi tries to capture her and is hurt? Wouldn't we be at least partly responsible?"

"Their decisions, not ours." Chibi-devil-Ayeka dismissed the point. "And have you forgotten we're already going to be in trouble when Grandmother finds out about Mihoshi? Grandmother the matchmaker? Are you ready for what she could easily do?" The imp gestured with her pitchfork, and a scene appeared in front of Ayeka. It was a wedding in the grand hall of the Juraian Imperial Palace. Tenchi stood, dressed in a princely outfit, flanked on either side by Ryoko and Mihoshi. The two women wore beautiful gowns (Ayeka recognized the one on Ryoko as having been taken from her own closet), and looked radiantly happy. Several rows of seats back, the imaginary Ayeka sat with tears streaming down her face. Next to her was Seto, whose stern gaze threatened barbarous punishments should the younger princess try to interfere with the ceremony.

"Aaahh!!" Both chibi-angel-Ayeka and the original Ayeka fell a step backwards in fear. But in a few moments, chibi-angel-Ayeka gathered her courage again.

"So you want to play hardball?! What about when Lord Tenchi finds out you've deceived him??" The sprite gestured, and an image of Tenchi appeared.

"How could you, Ayeka?" The image said, with a look of hurt and disappointment that seemed to pierce the core of Ayeka's being.

"Ridiculous! No one ever has to know." Chibi-devil-Ayeka countered.

"And when have we ever managed to keep anything from Grandmother Seto for long?" Chibi-angel-Ayeka gestured again, and an image of Princess Seto appeared, eyes narrowed grimly.

"Ayeka . . ." said the image in a tone perhaps one degree warmer than liquid helium.

"And how do you propose to keep Lady Washu from figuring it out?" Chibi-angel-Ayeka continued.

An image of Washu now appeared, flanked by robots bristling with weaponry. "Ayeka--!!" it growled.

"And your partnered tree is certain to sense it from you. And that means Lady Tsunami!" Chibi-angel-Ayeka said.

Now Ayeka saw the goddess, staring in disbelief that one who had accepted her gifts could practice such deceit. "Ayeka . . . ?"

"And that eventually means -- your sister!" Chibi-angel-Ayeka said.

The goddess transformed into Sasami, looking utterly unable to understand how her sister could have let her down so. "Ayeka?" she said, and then repeated, "Ayeka? . . . Ayeka?"

And suddenly Ayeka realized that she was no longer seeing images, but the real Sasami was actually standing in front of her. Her reaction was immediate. She screamed and stumbled backwards, falling on her behind.

"Oh, Ayeka!" Sasami darted forward. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you! But it's starting to rain again, and I got worried . . . you must have been trying so hard! Did you think of anything?"

And looking into her sister's anxious face, Ayeka's decision was made. "Yes. It's kind of involved, and it will need some effort by everyone. And I'll have to tell Grandmother some unpleasant news."

"Ohboy." Sasami's face chanced from anxiety to dismay.

"But I think it will work." Ayeka got up, noticing that raindrops were indeed starting to fall again. "Let's get back to the house and get everyone together, and I'll explain there."

"Okay. Here, I brought an umbrella." Sasami opened it, and held it out to her sister. The two girls huddled together underneath the umbrella's shelter and started down the path.

_This is going to open up a world -- no, a galaxy -- of trouble._came chibi-devil-Ayeka's voice into Ayeka's head.

- - - - - - - -

"Let me get this straight." Ryoko looked incredulous. "In order to get to Jurai, we have to be in a _sex contest_??"

"It's not really like that, sister-Ryoko," Sasami spoke up.

"The Trans-Jurai Championship is not a 'sex contest'." Ayeka said firmly. "It is a tournament of erotic knowledge and techniques, including a question-and-answer event, a stage-setting demonstration, and so on. No actual sex is involved."

"The virtual reality round comes a bit close, though, doesn't it?" Washu inquired.

"It has been found to be the best way to measure the contestants' potentials." Ayeka said, a bit stiffly. She had hoped to keep much of this as a surprise for her wedding night with Tenchi, but that idea was being reluctantly abandoned. "Some of you already know a lot of what I'm about to tell you." Ayeka went on. "But I must ask you not to repeat it outside of Jurai. Many planets, both within the Juraian Empire and outside it, have different attitudes and customs than we do."

"I think I understand," said Mihoshi, "but how does it get us to Jurai?"

"Well, the Trans-Jurai Championship is the most popular competition on Jurai." Ayeka replied. "It is something like the Soccer World Cup on this world in prestige, and like the Cup, the Trans-Jurai is held every three years. However, the teams are of three females, usually from a given city, or guild, or a Royal House."

"What about the men?" Tenchi spoke up.

"There is a men's league on Jurai, just as there are women's soccer teams here. But they don't draw nearly as much interest."

"Not surprising," Washu interjected, "given that women have much more potential than men."

"I'll take your word for it." Tenchi said.

"Because of the virtual reality round, married women are not eligible to participate." Ayeka continued. "However, women who are engaged are allowed, since betrothals can take place very early and last a long time. That was how I was able to compete at school. I am informed that in the seven centuries since Sasami and I came here --"

"Ran away from home, you mean." Washu said with a grin.

"Left in pursuit of answers that I could not get on Jurai." Ayeka said in a slightly strained tone. "In any case, since that time, neither House Masaki nor House Kamiki has been able to field a strong team in the Trans-Jurai. I feel sure that Grandmother is unhappy about this situation, since she was probably the greatest competitor on Jurai before her marriage. Since I am second in line to head House Kamiki, I could lead a House Kamiki team in the next Trans-Jurai, which happens to begin in a little over two Earth months from now."

"And Mihoshi and I would be your other two team members." Ryoko said.

"Exactly so." Ayeka nodded. "Of course, ordinarily you wouldn't be able to compete, since you're not Juraians. However, if Grandmother were to formally engage all three of us to Lord Tenchi, that would allow you both to go to Jurai and to enter the competition as my co-fiancées."

Tenchi looked startled. Ryoko had a mixed expression, like someone entering a favorite bar on a very crowded night.

However, Mihoshi's face lit up. "Engaged to Tenchi? Oh, that would be wonderful!" the blonde gushed.

"Of course, there wouldn't have to be an actual marriage." Ayeka pointed out. "Engagements can last decades on Jurai, so it could be quietly called off after some time had passed."

"I see." Tenchi said as neutrally as he could manage.

"Brother-Tenchi, you're having naughty thoughts again, aren't you?" Sasami looked at Tenchi.

"I'm just trying to--" Tenchi tried to equivocate, but gave up under the smiling but focused gaze of the young princess. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not sure it would be that easy to call off." Washu spoke up. "Princess Seto might have a vested interest in the marriage. An alliance with the Kuramitsu clan, for instance."

"Grandma wouldn't make anyone get married if they really didn't want to." Sasami countered.

"That's true." Ayeka affirmed. "However, Lord Tenchi, it does mean that you will be involved to a certain extent in Grandmother's political maneuvering. Not that either of us had a chance of escaping that anyway." Washu and Sasami both nodded.

"Still, if that's what it takes to keep everyone together, I'm in." Tenchi decided.

"Just a minute." Washu said. "Speaking of keeping everyone together, where do I fit into this scheme?"

"Because the Trans-Jurai has so much prestige, I regret to say there have been numerous cases of cheating." Ayeka answered. "You, Lady Washu, will be needed to verify that Miss Ryoko doesn't have any banned devices like hormone dispensers or nerve stimulators. Once that is done, you can offer your services as an inspector to detect any kind of foul play in the competition. I'm sure they would be glad to have someone of your ability."

"An inspector?" Washu frowned for a moment, and then looked elated. "I'd have access to the records. _All_ the records. Blood chemistry, nerve response . . . yes! I love this plan!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do it," said Mihoshi forlornly. "I have to return to GP headquarters. And it sounded like such a good idea."

For a moment, everyone else looked crestfallen. Except for Ayeka. "I thought of that, as well. If you apply for a leave of absence at the request of the First Princess of Jurai, I think headquarters will be happy to grant it."

"I bet they will!" Mihoshi was instantly as delighted as she had been downcast seconds ago. "The Chief is already asking me when I'm planning to go on vacation. Ayeka, you're a genius!" (Behind her, Washu looked jealous for a moment.) "Oh, but do you think I'm good enough to compete in a planet's championship?"

"It does sound pretty challenging." said Tenchi.

"I've seen some . . . ahem . . . promising signs." Ayeka said. "But we should get a better idea. Lady Washu, would you happen to still have that test equipment you showed Ryoko and myself?"

Washu grinned from ear to ear. "I'm sure I can dig it up."

- - - - - - - -

"_You made me so very happy,_

_I'm so glad you . . . came into my laaaaab!!_"

Washu belted out the last note as if she were on a Las Vegas lounge floor.

"Her and her damn oldies karaoke. . . "Ryoko muttered.

"I heard that!" announced Washu.

"I think it would be best if we did this without any unnecessary delays." Ayeka suggested diplomatically.

"Why, Ayeka, aren't you feeling comfy?" Washu smirked.

"Comfy?? Right--being held down by lots of clamps and tentacles is just _sooo_ relaxing." Ryoko said sarcastically. "And don't tell me these are really necessary."

"But this is the way Washu always plays 'doctor'. Although, shouldn't we have our clothes off?" Mihoshi asked.

"NO." Ryoko and Ayeka said immediately.

"I could get better skin temperature readings--." Washu had to blink her eyes for a moment. _I'm agreeing with Mihoshi_?? She thought. Aloud, she said, "Well, that would take extra time. But the clamps are for your own safety. There may be involuntary muscle movement during virtual reality. After all, we need to test to your full potential."

"I remember the fire that broke out last time." Ryoko pointed out. "You'd better have an emergency release."

"I do, but it won't be needed." Washu's voice was confident. "I also have an excellent bank of circuit breakers. All right -- here we go." She touched the keys on the control panel in front of her, and the three virtual reality helmets slid over the heads of the her three test subjects.

Exactly eight minutes later, Tenchi and Sasami stood in front of the closet door to Washu's lab, each carrying a fire extinguisher. "Three . . . two . . . one . . ." Sasami counted down. Tenchi threw the door open and the two charged in, spraying their extinguishers at the sparks and flames in several places around the test chamber.

"How could this happen??" Washu yelled above the crackle of shorted electrical wiring and the whoosh of the extinguishers plus the lab's own fire suppressors. Happily, she didn't forget to hit the emergency release. Ryoko and Ayeka left the spots where they had been secured with commendable speed, but Mihoshi stayed where she was, a glassy-eyed expression on her face.

"Save Mihoshi!" Tenchi yelled, busy putting out a flaming console.

"Save the data!" Washu shouted. Not surprisingly, Ryoko and Ayeka paid more attention to Tenchi. Dashing over to the blonde, the two picked her up between them and hustled her over to the least smoky area of the room they could find.

Sasami finished covering a sparking bank of displays with foam, and then ran over to the three taller girls. "Sister-Mihoshi! Sister-Mihoshi! Say something!" she called frantically.

"Boy that was fun!" Mihoshi said dreamily, her eyes still focused on nothing in particular.

In the meantime, Washu had run over to the structure at the base of the metal tentacles and hastily ejected a dark gray cube. She dashed back to her main console and carefully but quickly set the cube into a lit square on the console's top. "Yes!" she crowed. "Data! Beautiful, beautiful data!"

"Hey! Shouldn't you be more concerned about putting out the fires?" demanded Ryoko.

"Oh, it's taken care of." Washu dismissed the point with a wave of her hand. And in fact the last of the flames had just been snuffed out between Tenchi and the lab systems. "But this is your ticket to Jurai!"

"It is?" Ryoko shifted Mihoshi so that Ayeka was supporting all the weight, and teleported to Washu's console.

"Ooof -- Ryoko!" Ayeka protested. "And Lady Washu, Miss Mihoshi still seems to be affected."

"Boy that was fun!" Mihoshi repeated.

"Just give her a little time." Washu was unimpressed. "After all, Ayeka, you're alright, and you had the strongest--" she caught sight of Sasami, "--ahem, readings in the test group."

"Umm . . . I did?" Ayeka flushed pink, and she carefully avoided meeting Tenchi's eyes.

"She did??" Ryoko exclaimed, clearly displeased.

"But your readings are way up from the first experiment." Washu pointed out. "I'd say more than enough to qualify for the Trans-Jurai."

"Well, that's something." Ryoko relaxed a bit. "How far ahead of Mihoshi was I?"

"Umm . . .you were pretty close. . ." Washu tapped her index fingers together.

"_What??_" Ryoko's competitive instincts were back to full force.

"Boy that was fun!" Mihoshi repeated.

"Say, Washu, is this the set of circuit breakers?" Tenchi pointed to a console with a wisp of smoke still rising from it.

"Yes. Don't touch it!" Washu came over to the console, pulling on a set of rubber gloves. "Wait -- what's this thing doing in there?" The redhead extracted a small piece of what looked like gold with scorch marks.

"Oh, my missing earring!" Mihoshi chose that moment to snap out of her daze. "Thank you, Washu! I thought I'd lost it for good!"

"_Mi--ho--shi_--!" Washu ground out as she opened a small subspace hole next to her. Various implements, from spiked clubs up to monster-sized blasters, could be seen inside it.

"No you may not!" Tenchi and Sasami shouted together. Tenchi moved to block the hole.

"Pleeease?" Washu whined.

Happily, Mihoshi was paying no attention, because Ayeka had been telling her that Washu's test had been a success.

"So we're really going with Tenchi to Jurai?" Mihoshi enthused. "Wait until I write my family and tell them I'm going to be in the Trans-Jurai Championship!"

"NO!!" Washu and Ayeka yelled together.

"It's not supposed to be discussed outside of Jurai." Ayeka reminded her.

"And Lady Seto tells me your grandfather and brother are somewhat -- over-protective -- of you." Washu added.

"Now that you mention it," Mihoshi said, "Misao does keep saying something about 'lowest in the pecking order'. And I keep telling him I don't get pecked on -- we don't have any chickens or anything."

"I think he means that the other girls here try to take advantage of you." Sasami explained.

Ryoko rubbed the back of her head. "Nothing like that going on here."

Ayeka did likewise. "I'm sure I don't know where he might have gotten that idea."

"Nonetheless," Tenchi spoke up, "I think it would be best not to mention the Trans-Jurai when you apply for leave. For one thing, it's still up to Ayeka to convince Princess Seto."

"And it won't be the easiest thing I've ever asked her for." Ayeka turned to Washu. "Lady Washu, I'd be grateful to have your assistance preparing for this."

"_Little_ Washu." Replied the genius scientist with a smirk.

". . . Little Washu." Ayeka sighed.

( To Be Continued . . . )


	5. Tea and Chicanery

Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo!" were created by Kajishima Masaki and Hitoshi Okuda, and are Copyright AIC, Pioneer LDC, and Viz. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.

**We're Off to See the Devil Princess, Ch. 5**

_Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room._

_--Winston Churchill_

As Ayeka suspected, Seto's ship _Mikagami_ was not far away, at least not by galactic standards. It was less than twenty-four hours later that she found herself on board, waiting to be ushered into her grandmother's presence. She had spent much of the time with Washu, preparing for this, but she was still as nervous about the upcoming conversation as she could ever remember being.

After what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few minutes, a young woman with dark straight hair came and invited Ayeka to follow her. There was something remarkably like her stepmother Funaho about her guide, Ayeka thought as she entered the vast chamber beyond, which had been set up to look like an outdoor park.

"Hello, Ayeka." Seto smiled, but it was more a formal smile than a familiar one. "I don't believe I have properly introduced you. This is my aide, and Prince Yosho's daughter, Minaho."

Ayeka's eyes opened wide. Her grandmother was as good as ever at throwing people off balance. Fortunately Royal protocol took over, and she turned and bowed. "It is an honor to meet you, Princess Minaho."

"Princess?" Minaho looked startled in her turn, but managed to return the bow.

"If you are my brother's daughter, that would make you the Emperor's grand-daughter, I believe." said Ayeka. She made a mental note to grill her half-brother later on just how many descendants he had.

"Yosho's marriage has not yet been made public by the Royal Family," Seto explained. "That is a part of why she is here as my aide, rather than with House Masaki. Another part is that she is a very capable young lady."

"I would expect no less." Ayeka replied, knowing that her grandmother set high standards of performance. "Then may I call you niece Minaho?"

"That would please me very much, aunt Ayeka." Minaho replied. "But now, I must complete my report on our last encounter with the Kokoronai Pirates."

"They do seem to be getting better equipment." Seto nodded, and Minaho left. "Now, granddaughter, please join me for some tea."

Ayeka took a seat at the carved Venurian pearl-stone table. The delicate aroma of her grandmother's freshly-brewed tea reached her nose. _The condemned receiving a last meal_, she thought to herself. Aloud, she said, "Thank you for receiving me, Grandmother. Your tea smells delicious, as always."

"Hosukia II had an excellent crop this past year. You will find several such pleasant surprises, I'm sure, when you and Sasami return to Jurai." Seto gave a gentle hint that if Ayeka wanted to prolong her stay on Earth, it wouldn't happen.

"I'm very much looking forward to it." Ayeka raised her cup and took a sip. "Mmm. The taste is just as the aroma promises."

"I hoped you would enjoy it. Now then," Seto abruptly stopped beating around the bush, "what is this matter you need to speak with me about?"

By this time, Ayeka had learned to expect the sudden change of course. "It concerns my training of Miss Ryoko in erotic techniques. I am happy to say that it has been quite a success. But I fear that another non-Juraian has also learned a great deal."

"It was only to be expected that Lady Washu would find out what her daughter knows. But in truth, she is a citizen of the Juraian Empire." Seto pointed out.

"Actually, Miss Ryoko guards her privacy fairly well. Lady Washu has learned very little, and is somewhat unhappy about it. But in honesty, she cannot refuse to deliver on her agreement with you." Ayeka saw no harm in letting Seto know she was aware of the bargain.

"Really?" Now Ayeka had Seto's full attention, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. "Then who have you revealed the techniques to?"

"Miss Mihoshi was present during many of our sessions, although she was asleep. But it appears she unconsciously absorbed much of what I taught Miss Ryoko."

"Ayeka," Seto locked her gaze sternly onto her grand-daughter, "I am quite surprised at you. How could you have been so careless about being overheard?"

Ayeka had never been able to withstand Seto's gaze without wilting. (She shared that vulnerability with the vast majority of Jurai.) "I'm sorry, Grandmother. Miss Ryoko and I tried many things to keep Miss Mihoshi out of our lessons. Lady Washu herself has tried in vain to--"

"Now, Ayeka." In fact, Seto had made it her business to see if Mihoshi had inherited her mother's remarkable and annoying ability to wander into almost any place in the galaxy. But after the request from Sasami, Seto had a good idea that Ayeka was here to ask her for something, and she wanted to have the upper hand. "It is said that where there's a will, there's a way, not an excuse--"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" A new voice broke in. "I didn't realize it was tea time already."

Ayeka looked to her left, and to her amazement, saw what looked like a slightly older version of Mihoshi. There was the same blonde hair, elfin-pointed ears, and tan skin tone, but this woman appeared about thirty in Earth terms. She wore a Galaxy Police uniform, but with a work apron over it, and she carried a mop.

"Mitoto, what are you doing here?" Seto was clearly annoyed at the intrusion.

"Well, I'm cleaning, of course." The woman replied matter-of-factly. "And it's long overdue. Look at all the dirt underfoot!"

"That is not 'dirt'." A vein began to throb in Seto's forehead. "It is loam from the Ketharan hills on Jurai--and it is supposed to be there."

"Oh, you mean this is a garden enclosure? But I don't see any cultivated rows." The blonde furrowed her eyebrows in thought for a moment. "Say! I could bring some lovely Seniwan flowers. And the family gardeners are very talented, I'm sure they could spare some time to make this place presentable."

"This place is meant to suggest nature, not interfered with by civilization--" Seto countered.

"Grandmother, I don't believe I have met your friend." Ayeka intervened.

Not even the Devil Princess of Jurai could ignore the demands of courtesy. "Of course. Ayeka, may I introduce Mitoto Kuramitsu of the GP, Detective Mihoshi's mother. Mitoto, this is my grand-daughter Ayeka, the First Princess of Jurai."

"Princess Ayeka?" Mitoto looked even more cheerful than before. "Oh, I'm so happy to meet you! Mihoshi has written me about how well-mannered you are. "

Ayeka bowed to Mitoto, privately reflecting it was a good thing Mihoshi didn't know everything that she had been up to. "It is a privilege to meet you, Ms. Mitoto. You must be very proud of having such a courageous and dedicated officer for a daughter." Ayeka diplomatically left out several other words she had occasionally used to describe Mihoshi. "Although, she does have trouble with her sense of direction from time to time. If you don't mind my asking, has it always been that way?

"Yes, it certainly has!" Mitoto nodded. "Little Mihoshi would always show up in the most unusual places. And I'm afraid she inherited that from me. I can't tell you how many times I've looked up from mopping or sweeping to find myself in a completely different area!"

"Case in point. . ." Seto said.

"Oh, don't tell me I'm on board the _Mikagami_ again!" Mitoto shook her head in mock exasperation. "I didn't think you were due to dock at GP headquarters for another five days."

"I'm not, and my movements are supposed to be a closely guarded secret, Mitoto." A section of the table broke off where Seto's grip became too fierce.

"My goodness! I suppose even stone gets weakened from being outdoors all the time. Here, let me get rid of that for you." Mitoto took the chunk of pearl-stone and slipped it into a pocket in her apron. She turned to Ayeka. "Well, I won't keep you from your tea any longer. Please give my love to Mihoshi."

"Indeed I will, Ms. Mitoto. I feel so fortunate to have met you." Ayeka replied truthfully.

"You're just as gracious as Mihoshi said!" Mitoto bowed and departed.

"Now, Ayeka," Seto turned back to her grand-daughter, "let us return to the matter of your allowing Mihoshi to learn what should have been kept confidential."

"But I must remember to tell Lady Washu that Mihoshi's ability to wander is inherited." Ayeka said. "I know she'll find it interesting and useful -- unless you've already spoken to her about it?"

"I have discussed the matter with Washu, yes." Seto wasn't prepared to lie outright.

"And I suppose she and you commiserated on not being able to keep any place secure from intrusion." Ayeka guessed.

"Something of the sort." Seto replied.

"I imagine you both concluded that it had to be coped with as best one could." Ayeka went on.

"Much along that line, I believe."

"As I recall, my instructions did not allow me to call Ryoko's lessons off." Ayeka did not make direct eye contact, but studied Seto's reflection in her tea cup.

And Seto realized she had lost that particular point. It required considerable self-control for her to stay seated rather than leap at Ayeka -- not to attack her, but to hug her.

The only sad part of Seto's life at that point was her daughter Misaki's lack of cunning. Misaki wore her heart on her sleeve, and while she was formidably strong and fast in a fight, as befitted the commander of the Imperial Bodyguard, she had little skill for intrigue. But now Seto saw that her talent for behind-the-scenes-maneuvering had merely skipped a generation.

"The good news is that Mihoshi is unaware of where she got her new abilities from, although those abilities are quite impressive." Ayeka continued after a heartbeat. "About on the level that I was able to train Ryoko to."

"And how high a level is that?" Seto inquired.

"Modesty giving way to honesty, quite high. Possibly even high enough to qualify for the Trans-Jurai Championship, if Lady Washu's readings are an indication. Perhaps you would care to examine them for yourself?" Knowing perfectly well the answer was 'yes', Ayeka brought out the chip Washu had prepared for her. She placed it on the table and activated it. A hologram appeared of a chibi-Washu with a pointer illustrating a large graph. (The lines for Ayeka were purple, those for Mihoshi were yellow, and those for Ryoko were cyan.)

Seto could not wholly cover her excitement. "Impressive! You're to be congratulated, Ayeka. What a pity neither Ryoko nor Mihoshi can compete in the Trans-Jurai."

"I suppose you have already put together a good trio for House Kamiki, in any event." Ayeka said as casually as she could manage.

"No." Seto shook her head. "With your mother married, and you away from Jurai, House Kamiki has not been able to field a team strong enough to qualify. Minaho would more properly belong to House Masaki."

"Then, I wonder if there might be a way." Ayeka gathered her courage for the main point. "If you were to declare an engagement between Lord Tenchi, and Ryoko, Mihoshi, and myself, that would give the necessary relationship."

"An engagement?" Seto's eyebrows went up. So this was what Ayeka had been angling for. Her brain immediately went into overdrive, calculating possibilities and outcomes. "There would, of course, be a great deal of controversy."

"True." Ayeka conceded. "But controversy is not always a bad thing. Lady Washu tells me that there is currently a movement against the law that you and Father enacted encouraging the mixing of Juraians and other races. Something about 'purity' and 'returning to Juraian roots'?"

"I am sorry to confirm that Lady Washu is correct." Seto answered.

"Perhaps this might help convince a number of our people that other races are worthy, too. Certainly in times past," Ayeka phrased it as carefully as she could, "you have not shied away from spirited debates."

"You have a point there." Seto smiled. "But you know, it occurs to me that only Ryoko and Mihoshi need be engaged to Tenchi. You are already entirely eligible."

And the nightmare scenario that chibi-devil-Ayeka had shown was now fully possible. It required iron control, but Ayeka kept herself from a screaming panic. "That is technically true, Grandmother. But unless I am a co-fiancée, they will have no relation to House Kamiki. Another point is that the team will not compete as well if two members have a psychological advantage over the third. Lastly, Lord Tenchi is a fair-minded young man, and might refuse to accept an exclusion of any of the three."

"Those are plausible arguments." In fact, Seto every intention of including House Kamiki into the marriage of the man who could summon the Light Hawk Wings. She had inclined toward adopting a greenish-haired Galaxy Police officer the _Mikagami_ had rescued from a cloud of space debris, and engaging her to Tenchi. The woman was remarkably competent, but Seto's psychologists reported she was still obsessed with killing her former partner. That left Ayeka as the prime candidate, but there was no need to let her know that. "Mind you, a royal betrothal is no small matter. I do not approve matches unless I believe they actually have a fair chance of success."

That, at least, was something Ayeka was ready for. "Of course, Grandmother. Tenchi, Ryoko, and Mihoshi have all agreed to it. Eventually, though, since Lord Tenchi is a product of that planet's culture, he will be inclined towards a single wife."

"And you believe you will be that wife?" Seto queried.

"Would you expect anything else from your granddaughter?"

"No indeed." Seto permitted herself a smile. "But what of the long term?"

"The 'Three Great Destroyers' of marriage are sex, money, and relatives." Ayeka recited. "With all due modesty, I believe I can provide for the first item. As Lord Tenchi and I are both members of the Royal family, money will not be an issue. Thirdly, even if Lord Tenchi should . . ." Ayeka chose her words carefully, "have difficulty with any of our family members, he is already related to them in any event."

"I am pleased to see that you have given this some careful thought." Seto said. "Very well, I will adopt your idea. With one condition." She stopped, waiting for Ayeka to make the next move.

"Yes, Grandmother?" Ayeka asked in the meekest possible voice.

- - - - - - - -

"She wants to WHAT??" Ryoko exclaimed.

"Well, it does make a good deal of sense." Ayeka said. "Grandmother isn't eligible any more since her marriage, but she was a great competitor in her day."

"Still, it's going to feel funny having her as a coach." Mihoshi said. "She has a reputation in the Galaxy Police as . . ." She broke off, looking at Sasami. "Well, I'm sure it's exaggerated."

"I'm not so sure." Sasami rubbed the back of her head with an embarrassed smile.

"On the bright side," said Ayeka, "our chances in the Trans-Jurai would be considerably improved with Grandmother coaching us."

"Well, I don't go into anything intending to lose." Ryoko said. "What's the down side?"

"She'll work us like pack mules." Ayeka answered.

"More like sled dogs." Sasami put in her opinion.

"Oh." Ryoko and Mihoshi said together, looking distinctly unhappy.

"Well, no time to mope!" Washu announced. "We've got lots of packing to do. Sasami, you need to put together your favorite pots and utensils."

"Right." said the young princess.

"Mihoshi," Washu continued, "you need to load your papers on board Yukinojo, and don't forget to apply for that leave."

"Oh, I've already got it!" Mihoshi said. "It's funny, though. The chief was smiling when he approved it, but tears were coming out of his eyes. I wonder if he needs a vacation, too?"

"I'm sure he'll get one soon." Washu remarked. "Ayeka, you need to pack up your jewelry, and your makeup kits, and your hair care equipment, and ALL your clothes, and make Ryu-Oh ready for space."

"Simpler is better, I always say." Ryoko cradled Ryo-Ohki in the crook of one arm. "I'm ready to go now."

"Good, then you can help me get the lab prepared." Washu said.

Ryoko's ears drooped. "But I thought you could just move the portals."

"Some of the sensitive instruments need to be locked down while that happens." Washu explained. "And re-calibrating the portals takes a little time, too."

"All right," Ryoko was still frowning, "but I want your word there'll be no funny business while I'm in there."

"Everything I do has a serious scientific purpose." Washu declared.

"Even the saké still in the hydroponics unit?" Mihoshi asked.

"There's no still in hydroponics." Washu said.

"Sure there is." Mihoshi turned a shade of pink. "I . . . umm . . . kind of knocked it over on Thursday."

Ryoko snapped her fingers. "So that's why the latest batch was--"

"_Ry--o--ko_!!" Washu's eyes blazed.

"Say," Ryoko grinned, "I guess I have something to pack up, after all!"

"Well, I guess I'd better get started, too." said Tenchi.

"That reminds me," Washu calmed down, "you also have an errand in town."

"I do?" Tenchi said uncertainly.

"To buy three engagement rings." Washu clarified.

"Oh." Although Tenchi was standing still, he looked as if he had suddenly run into an invisible brick wall.

"I'm guessing you hadn't given it a great deal of thought until now." Washu smirked.

Tenchi sweat-dropped. "Not a great deal, no."

"I have a suggestion!" said Ayeka, Mihoshi, and Ryoko simultaneously. All three brought out and unfolded jewelry store advertisements cut out from magazines. The ring in Mihoshi's ad looked rather expensive. The ring in Ryoko's ad looked quite expensive. The ring in Ayeka's ad looked extremely expensive.

"Umm . . . Maybe something showing more of a personal touch." Tenchi suggested as he beat a hasty retreat towards the door.

As Ayeka turned to climb the stairs to her room, Ryoko appeared alongside her. "Just so there's no confusion later on, princess. I appreciate everything you've done, but not enough to give up on Tenchi. We'll eventually play 'last fiancée standing'. And it's going to be me."

"I expected nothing else, Miss Ryoko." Ayeka's answer was quiet but confident. "But you may have more trouble standing than you think."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The corners of Ayeka's mouth turned upwards just enough for Ryoko to see. "Have I ever mentioned how Grandmother feels about space pirates?"

T h e E n d

Author's afterward: Yes, it might be inconsistent to exclude Tennyo but include Minaho. But I find it hard to believe in the character of Tennyo suddenly appearing. To name just one point, Nobuyuki would have some mementos around the house of his first-born child, such as baby shoes or a high school diploma. The existence of Minaho, however, is much more credible. According to the translations I've read, she was conceived while Yosho and Airi were at the Galaxy Academy, (but kept in stasis so that she was not born until later) and has never lived on Earth. Tenchi would not be aware of his aunt, and Yosho himself apparently did not find out about her for over a century after he came to Earth and sealed Ryoko in the cave.


End file.
